So the doctor I went to said I need to get into counseling. My mother said we can't go cause insurance doesn't cover it. She didn't know I called before hand and found out there were alternate places to go. She's such an ass. It suck know the people who read my blog (mainly one person) know more about me than almost anyone else. I want to leave me house so bad but I know if I leave they'll bring me back. It sucks. I also found out the only way for me to cope with my head aches so far is cutting. I try t cut over old scars so I don't have to make new ones. sigh. I just need someone who well listen to me and not judge. I know my life doesn't seem that bad but all the stress my parents put me through... There are so many temptations in my house. Two shelves of medications... sharp objects... alcohol. Now my computers not working either so I'm at my neighbors right now. Some times I wish I could just kill me self, but I can't be that selfish. I have to take care of other people. I just hope my mom will try and be nice and drive me to and from work since I don't have a licence. If she can drive I can get a job. Then when I have enough money I'm leaving. I'll buy my own place or bunk with a friend. I just don't know how much more I can take until I explode. I should get back to homework. Later I'll cry and cut to try and smooth over my splitting headaches.
-Mary'K
Random advise: If you think your life is bad look at someone elses... you might just feel better. (I take that might with a grain of salt though.)
About Me
- EviltwinMK
- GB, Michigan, United States
- We all have our own story. We all have certain things we do that keep us sane. Those certain things that constitute as our sanities. Well these are my sanities. These are the sanities of a crazy person...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Vagina/BDay Problems
I bet you read that title and thought what the fuck is wrong now. Well among the many 'ologists I've seen latly I recently went to the urologists. I keep getting infections -gestures- down there and it's really annoying. So we saw a specialist. He said we have to do two things in the next mounth.
1) Next week... I have to go in and they have my legs up in braces why I'm just sitting there for the world to see. I got a paper that says "You will be catheterized to measure your residule urine, that catheter will be removed and a smallertest catheter will be inserted." Plus "an abdominal pressure sensor will be placed into the vagina." So that all mean they're going to shove a tube up my piss hole and suck the special concoction they put in me out of me. Plus amid doing all of this they're going to ask questions about the sensations I get as my bladder fills and unfills.
2) The two weeks after... I have to get strapped in like before. -sigh- Then they are going to enlarge my bladder. To do this they'll knock me out (I'm so freaked out about this) then after that I have no fucking idea what is going to happen. I have to call the doc tomorrow.
So it all pretty much sucks. On top of it I have some creeper of and old dude doing the procedure. So much fucking fun. I need a drink... -two shots of scotch- I rather drink before the procedure instead of anesthesia. I trust my liquior more than I do those doctor. I'm also worried cause I didn't put down I drink on the papers they gave me. I would put down smokeing too but I haven't had any in a while. -sigh- I also didn't put down that I might be dpressed, but my mom was with me so I didn't.
She's the main cause of my fuck ups. Today was also my little brothers BDay. I took some of my mom's pain pills and a bit of scotch at like 2 in the morning yesterday so I slept most of the day. I feel bad for him. He might not be the best brother in the world but I don't ever want him to feel the way I do half the time. I want him to have lots of friend. I want him to get a girlfruend and sneak out to go to the movies, not sneak out so he can sit on the roof or go for a walk and cry. I want him to get could grade and want to go to school. Unlike me who doesn't frankly care. I want him to like himslef and not hurt his body. I don't want him to have all these health issues like I do. I want him to be happy. I was so fucked up last night I didn't even make him a present.
I just hope he's happier than I ever am. I don't want to catch him writing out his problems in a blog crying because he feels like his life is one big as fuck job gone wrong. I have one good friend, but I want him to be swarmed with friends.
-Mary'K
Random advise:Having a male doctor and being female sucks ass. And don't forget; those you love you have to keep in your heart, or else they'll slip through the cracks. Then what is left for you to keep in your heart if it's empty?
1) Next week... I have to go in and they have my legs up in braces why I'm just sitting there for the world to see. I got a paper that says "You will be catheterized to measure your residule urine, that catheter will be removed and a smallertest catheter will be inserted." Plus "an abdominal pressure sensor will be placed into the vagina." So that all mean they're going to shove a tube up my piss hole and suck the special concoction they put in me out of me. Plus amid doing all of this they're going to ask questions about the sensations I get as my bladder fills and unfills.
2) The two weeks after... I have to get strapped in like before. -sigh- Then they are going to enlarge my bladder. To do this they'll knock me out (I'm so freaked out about this) then after that I have no fucking idea what is going to happen. I have to call the doc tomorrow.
So it all pretty much sucks. On top of it I have some creeper of and old dude doing the procedure. So much fucking fun. I need a drink... -two shots of scotch- I rather drink before the procedure instead of anesthesia. I trust my liquior more than I do those doctor. I'm also worried cause I didn't put down I drink on the papers they gave me. I would put down smokeing too but I haven't had any in a while. -sigh- I also didn't put down that I might be dpressed, but my mom was with me so I didn't.
She's the main cause of my fuck ups. Today was also my little brothers BDay. I took some of my mom's pain pills and a bit of scotch at like 2 in the morning yesterday so I slept most of the day. I feel bad for him. He might not be the best brother in the world but I don't ever want him to feel the way I do half the time. I want him to have lots of friend. I want him to get a girlfruend and sneak out to go to the movies, not sneak out so he can sit on the roof or go for a walk and cry. I want him to get could grade and want to go to school. Unlike me who doesn't frankly care. I want him to like himslef and not hurt his body. I don't want him to have all these health issues like I do. I want him to be happy. I was so fucked up last night I didn't even make him a present.
I just hope he's happier than I ever am. I don't want to catch him writing out his problems in a blog crying because he feels like his life is one big as fuck job gone wrong. I have one good friend, but I want him to be swarmed with friends.
-Mary'K
Random advise:Having a male doctor and being female sucks ass. And don't forget; those you love you have to keep in your heart, or else they'll slip through the cracks. Then what is left for you to keep in your heart if it's empty?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Catch up
Wow! I haven't been on here in a while. So what to talk about... well I tried a new plan to get into my old school. I tried failing. Well I manage only one F and I pasted that class. So now I'm never leaving my hellhole. On a good note I got some gades for my ears. I also repeirced the second hole myself. So woohoo for me.
Idea! I was just thinking of a funny story. So over the weekend I had to go the mall and buy some underwear. I had just enough clean to last the week so I didn't have to do laundry. Well I went over to my friend's house and we walked all around the neighborhood trying to find one of his friends to buy us smokes. We didn't find any but I didn't wanna go home. So when he said I could come in I gladly said yes. We watched some t.v. in his living room and talked. Then I watched him play the drums (He is really skilled) and I tried to play, I decided to stick to singing (I sucked). lol. So later I went into his room and watched some t.v. with him on the bed. Now, we are just friends but he is one of those guys that doesn't quite see the boundary line. Idk maybe it's just me. Keep reading and you'll decide. So we were just talking and I was making fun of him cause his gf wanted him to get her a purity ring. He did NOT want her to have one. lmao! So I was laughing at him then he was getting a little upset. He was just messing around, but then he got closer and threatened to give me a wedgie for making fun of him. Over time he tried and tried to give me a wedgie. I repeatedly kept falling off the bed, told him no, or hit my head or arm on the wall trying to jerk away. Later on he finally succeeded the evil bastered and ripped my panties in the prosses. So that was over and a little later I went to leave, and in the hallway I turned my back to say hi to his brother on the couch and he grabbed me and I heard a huge ripping sound. (Mind you they was already a tear.) His brother was a mixture of amused and uncomfortable. So I said my goodbyes and left. Later that night I found out the top waistband was ripped from the underwear all along the back.
The next day I went over on my way home from my friends house and stopped by to see if you got my smoke or not. He didn't so I just sat in his living room and hung out with him and his little brother (he's so cute XD.) We were talking and somewhere in the conversation his brother asked what we were doing in his room the day before. My stupid friend told him he fucked me hard -rolls eyes- and I asked what he meant. His little brother said all he heard was me saying no and banging on the walls. I laughed soooo hard.
So that was a fun part of my week. My stupid friend still didn't get me smokes. I gave him ten bucks on Monday and still nothing. I really don't wanna take any from my sister but I really want some. So I should go to bed cause I have Saturday school tomorrow. All because I was chewing gum. I'll write more tomorrow. And I'll catch up on the blogs I'm watching. Night all and have a good Saturday X) P.S. I'm too lazy to edit so sorry about any typos. I'll fix later, just comment if you get confuzzled ;)
Idea! I was just thinking of a funny story. So over the weekend I had to go the mall and buy some underwear. I had just enough clean to last the week so I didn't have to do laundry. Well I went over to my friend's house and we walked all around the neighborhood trying to find one of his friends to buy us smokes. We didn't find any but I didn't wanna go home. So when he said I could come in I gladly said yes. We watched some t.v. in his living room and talked. Then I watched him play the drums (He is really skilled) and I tried to play, I decided to stick to singing (I sucked). lol. So later I went into his room and watched some t.v. with him on the bed. Now, we are just friends but he is one of those guys that doesn't quite see the boundary line. Idk maybe it's just me. Keep reading and you'll decide. So we were just talking and I was making fun of him cause his gf wanted him to get her a purity ring. He did NOT want her to have one. lmao! So I was laughing at him then he was getting a little upset. He was just messing around, but then he got closer and threatened to give me a wedgie for making fun of him. Over time he tried and tried to give me a wedgie. I repeatedly kept falling off the bed, told him no, or hit my head or arm on the wall trying to jerk away. Later on he finally succeeded the evil bastered and ripped my panties in the prosses. So that was over and a little later I went to leave, and in the hallway I turned my back to say hi to his brother on the couch and he grabbed me and I heard a huge ripping sound. (Mind you they was already a tear.) His brother was a mixture of amused and uncomfortable. So I said my goodbyes and left. Later that night I found out the top waistband was ripped from the underwear all along the back.
The next day I went over on my way home from my friends house and stopped by to see if you got my smoke or not. He didn't so I just sat in his living room and hung out with him and his little brother (he's so cute XD.) We were talking and somewhere in the conversation his brother asked what we were doing in his room the day before. My stupid friend told him he fucked me hard -rolls eyes- and I asked what he meant. His little brother said all he heard was me saying no and banging on the walls. I laughed soooo hard.
So that was a fun part of my week. My stupid friend still didn't get me smokes. I gave him ten bucks on Monday and still nothing. I really don't wanna take any from my sister but I really want some. So I should go to bed cause I have Saturday school tomorrow. All because I was chewing gum. I'll write more tomorrow. And I'll catch up on the blogs I'm watching. Night all and have a good Saturday X) P.S. I'm too lazy to edit so sorry about any typos. I'll fix later, just comment if you get confuzzled ;)
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