Wow

So much has happened in the last few days. I met a whole buch of people in my family, I had a great circle for Yule, I got some great gifts aswell. I wanted to talk about all that but I just found out my friend wants to be baptized. I haven't talked to her yet about it (I'm not upset or anything), but I just can't beilve that while I want to be a full fledged Wiccan she wants to be baptized! I just am speechless.

I also wanted to say I'm deleting my blog. I'm making a new account. I'll still watch those of you I'm subscribed to and comment.

happy holidays.

addicted

I got home from a circle with my coven. It was so fun and I got to see a friend from my old school who I haven't seen for a while. I'm all clogged up now though. My little brother is sick and I caught whatever the hell he has. I have to finish X-mas presents tomorrow. (sarcasm) woo-hoo. Well really I'm supposed to go to school but I conviced my mother it is stupid to go to school if we aren't doing work. So I get to help my mother X-mas shop. I get to push her around in a wheel chair all day. (more sarcasm) woo-hoo.

I do have something to confess on here though... I'm addicted... to facebook! My mom said i'm on way to much. I thought others might find that funny. ;) Well I'm going to mess around on facebook (ha ha ha). Night all and Happy Yule.

Random advise: People can have more than one problem. Take me for example; I am horrid at history AND I'm addicted to facebook.

Yule

Well tomorrow is Yule. I'm feeling a little depressed but hopefully going over to Ashely's house for a circle will help. I soooo don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I miss all my friends at my old school. I miss getting that silly hug everyday when I walked into choir. I miss laughing with my friends at lunch. I miss walking to the bus and waiting with my friends in the cold for that big yellow hunk of metal to take us to school. I miss looking in the mirror and feeling happy about who I am. I feel like I'm in my old middle school... alone. outcast. left wwith no means of survival. Now I sit alone and cry. My friends grew away. My family grew a part. Gods know what I would do without Ashely.

Why can't life be a fairytale? Why can't I find my prince charming? Why can't he come save me and make everything better?

Random advise: No one said life was fair.

sooooo...

It's Friday and I feel like shit. Perfect. Maboon is Monday so I'd rather feel shitty now than later. I'm home alone right now so it's nice and quiet. I've only hurled twice so far and I feel better than earlier. I'm gonna try and go eat some food. -screams- CHICKEN! Ashley if you read this I really wish you could come over. I'll call later.

Random advise: Remeber, when not feeling well wear your hair up and carry a wash cloth with you.

Fine!

I can't believe I've resorted to this. I just wish I could have someone to tell me to stop. If you read the last post I'm cutting now. I can't believe what I've become over the past two years. I guess high school realy does change you. I'm now wiccan. I'm stupid and carless about everything I'm doing. I'm failing classes. I'm mix my own dangerous cocktails. I try talking to someone today and I felt great all day until I got home and my mom started to grill into me.
Today I had cheer practice then I had a Christmas concert and I did the best I've ever done singing. I was so proud of myself. I was on top of the world. Then my mom came in telling me every thing I did wrong. She got mad I didn't feel up to cleaning the house. My dad was no help either since he just supported HER. I was up until four last night in tears. I can't get her to understand either because if I tell her she will try to get me medical help we can't pay for, or she'll tell me to suck it up. I wish she could just shut up long enough to listen. I plan to talk to my sister soon. Maybe she can help. I don't want to be known as the desprite cry for attention (I confided in my oldest friend for help and that what she told me.)

Random fact: All bird have to leave to nest at some time.

Scars

I did the stupidest today. My mother pissed me off so I did something horrible. I'm not going into details but let me just say I'm really fucked up. There are somethings you just can't take back. Tears are rolling down my face. I'm in soooo much pain right now. I just wish instead of my mom telling me to do more she could tell me to stop. Now I have to fake a smile for her birthday tomorrow. She says I don't under stand her pain because she needs a new hip, well she fucking wrong!!

Random advise:
Fellings can be gotten over.
People can be forgotten.
Problems can be solved,
but deep scars will last forever.

YES!!!

It's finaly the weekend thank the gods!!! I've been sick almost all week and I still feel like crap. Not to mention my mom makes me feel like I'm in troble when I'm sick. No t.v. computer and all that stuff. I'm lucky I'm on now. sigh. I can't wait for winter break. It's almost here. My dance is coming along too. I finaly got my dance approved and it's going to be in January. Now I just need to finish my dress! Well I have to get off now. Parol officer (mom) is making me get off. Night people.

Random advise: I can't think of any. I'm too tired. Sorry :(

HIstory Again

I still am working on my Henry Ford paper. oops. Well instead of learning my lesson I'm back on here writing while I should be working on my World War 1 paper. yawn. I just decorated my locker!! HUZZAH!!! All I need to do is plug in the lights!! lmao. I'll make sure to post a picture when I'm finished. So it's almost winter break thank the gods. I got screwed over though, our winter break is from the 23 of Dec. to the 2 of Jan. Everyone else is from the 18 of Dec. to the 3 of Jan. I know I shouldn't whine but I'm still in high school I want my fair share off! Ugh. 15 min. left of class. 

I think I've mentioned I'm a cheerleader lmao. I'm pissed though because the coach doesn't have uniforms yet so she wants us to wear our school uniforms! There aren't even skirts!! They are kaki pants and a red shirt. (You don't have to wear that though. I wear a black skirt and shirt everyday and didn't order any red shirts.) I'm not paying extra for a shirt I'll wear 3 times. Well there are ten min.s left so I need to get off. To Bio.!!!! XP

Random advise:snow+ice= snow-day       snow +rain=slush

MIA!!

I know I already worte something earlier today, but I heard my friend Mia's poem and I HAD to post it. (You're awsome Mia!!)

Rush Hour by:Mia

Working harder
acting quickly
racing, pacing
hearts are pounding
coffee cup
steering wheel
deadline ended
budget spiel
cell phones pagers
company calls
6ft cubicle
4ft walls
meeting
planning
no delay
such small part
these workers play.

Ford XP

Well I'm sitting here in history class and I'm supposed to be writing a paper on Henry Ford... as you can see I'm not really in a history sort of mood. Half the other kids in my class are just playing games, lol. We are such a bunch of slackers! The rough draft is do this Friday too! Before I start going off about something random I have to tell you something about Mari. (thanks those of you who got that last line ;)) Anyway yesterday she punched me in the face!! I know right who would would want to punch me I mean I'm perfect in every way -angelic face-. Well when lunch was over I was coming up to people and said my hands were cold then I would proseed by putting my hands on there face. (My hands were FREEZING) So when I did that to Mary she turn red and punched me right on the cheek bone under my eye! It hurt like hell too!! She wasn't doing it to be mean though... I guess it was reflex... or she couldn't think of a better suited reaction... hell if I know but I forgave her since I'm such a loving person (side person: loving haha yeah right,  Mary'K (me):-punches side person out-) Anyway it doesn't hurt too bad and my face wasn't red but it hurt really bad yesterday.

Well I should get off class is almost over. I might come back on later and add to this but I'm not sure yet. Byes for now ;)

Random Quote: "Henry Ford is dead! He's been dead so write about him in the PAST tense!", my history teacher. lmao

I'm in my math class again. sigh. It's a free day and I've grown bored of my book. All day today has been a free day. It was fun at first then after awhile I got sooooo bored. Today has been a pretty good day so far though. My head hasn't hurt yet! I also have to write a paper for my math class that has to due with your future career. (that's not the good news) The good news is while I was researching I found this great college in Florence, Italy. (I think I spelt that right)

So far I've burt about ten minutes and I'm still bored. sigh. Have you ever been hyper and bored?! It's a horrible mixture! I'm going to ask a girl in class what to write about...well she told me to talk about what I'm doing for Turkey Day.

I'm going to my spoiled rich Dad's family to hang out with people i barely know. fun. (sarcasm) My mom's side doesn't do anything so not alot of fun. i have no money to go shopping for Black day. I might go see New Moon though! The movie isn't as exciting as the time I spend with my friends. Speaking of which I'm going to hang out at my friends house over the weekend. 5 DAY WEEKEND!!!!! I have no school Wendsday, Thursday, or Friday!

Well that was another ten minutes... I really need to think up something to talk about before I start typing. Oh wait! I have a poem for everyone...

(clears throat)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Have a happy Turkey Day
Now bring on the food!

lol, funny right? I just came up with it! Well that wasted another 10 minutes. Now I'm going to read my book "Bad Attitude". By all and if I don't get back on have a happy Turkey Day!!

Random advise: When going to a families house for Turkey remember... you want to dress-up and look nice but you need a loner belt or bigger dress so you can stuff your face X9 lol

No fun

I'm not sure what to so anymore. I try to stay busy but I always end up bored and unamused. I'm taking extra classes and I'm in cheerleading. I'm in charge of the school dance and I take voice lessons. I'm teaching myself Italian and I'm always working on projects. But it seems like no matter what I do I can't keep myself entertained. The only time I really enjoy myself is hangiong out with my friends, but I can't go out often. besides, I don't have very many friends. All through grade and middle school I either sat by myself, and had only one friend but we lost touch. Freshman year I made friends but I rarely see them so we aren't that close. This year I'm in a new school and I'm not good friends with anyone. I really only hang out with one person. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can never really enjoy life with out friends. I feel as if I've over stayed my welcome. Just explain to me why I can't enjoy myself.

I sound so depressed. -sigh- One of these days I will write a happt post. Well I'm going to read for the rest of the night. Hope everyone else is having a goodnight. I know it will be better than mine.

Random advise: Treasure your friends. With them you'll never feel the pain of how much your mouth will hurt from smiling and lieing to everyone by saying your fine.

Jesse

Hello!!!! I'm in my math class again and I told Jesse he could be in my blog. SOOOOOOOOOO... TADA. lol he looked away and doesn't know I'm still talking about him shhhhh. Well this is boring I'm going to read my friends book. Jesse can't see this. ha ha ha.Have a happy day people!

Random advise: Jesse is so clueless. LMFAO!!!!

P.S. Hahaha!!! I'm still typing amd he can't see me. He's right next to me and has no idea. I WIN!!!

SCHOOL

LMFAO!!!! I'm at my personal hell right now with my Math Class. I don't feel like working on Algebra 2. Anyway I'm sitting across from my worst enemy and next one of the few friends I have here. School doesn't end till three thirty so I have a hour to kill. All I have for homework is a project for History. But the big news I had was I'm dressed as Simi!!! If you don't know who she is you should. I love Sherrilyn Kenyon. You should go to dark-hunter.com. My costume rock and I know everyone loves it. I'm wearing boots a corset with fishnet shirt underneith with a coaker. Plus I'm sporting some pigtails lmao, either way it's hot. Some said it was inapropiet but its not my fault I'm curvy. I'm not complaning though. I dressed up for an english project and got 109.5% on it!!! HUZZAH!!!

Well I have a half hour left and I'm bored. It's almost Halloween everybody!!! I can't wait. I'm really going to celebrate the holiday with a coven! I swear I don't know what I would do with out Ashely. I loves you ;) I have a long weekend too. I have no school on Monday or Tuesday so I might get some sleep. I'll get to clean the house too. I'm such a neat freak. Well I'm going to read my book(well Ashely's book) Acheron.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random advise: Eat lots of candy!!! Yum XP

why?

I've always wondered what it takes to push someone over that edge. What does it take for you to feel your own skin is unimportant, and it's looks do not matter? How far do you need to be pushed? What is your personal edge?
Is it that you hate your body?
Do you want a new life?
You hate your family?
Do you want peace?
You are a failure?
Or is it that you are just simply bored?
I know someone though. There is someone I know. They just want someoe there. They just need someone to care about them even for the tiniest second. Even if the hug they get is out of pitty, it is still a hug. It is still some sort of contact. You know you are not the only life in the world.
The feel of the sting. The sight of your skin spliting. The iron smell of blood. The lasting reminder of that memory left to last forever. forever.

Random advise: Without even knowing, you can control another person's life. Watch what you say.

Personal Hell

Some good news is I found a few friends in the chaos. Yes, Mari I mean you too. lol. It almost makes me sad because I want to leave this school and not look back. I can't do that if I start to miss people.

Is there anyone who can help me I'm falling apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random advise: um..... (hell if I know I have my own problems)

Money?!

It's been a while since I've typed something on here. I haven't had much time. Since I'm taking all my normal classes for school plusa community service class plus an extra science and math class. I've been a little busy. I've been looking into my dream school Interlochen. I've know it's expensive but I want to go so bad (when I say expencive I mean about $40,000.) So now I not only have to try and come up with the money I have 12 papers to write to turn in with my application. The papers are most important becuase if I don't get accepted there's no chance of me going. So, when I write my papers I will post them for all to read. I'm tired so I'm hitting the hay.

Random advice: When in need of cash don't forget jail can be a bad place. (think twice before action)

ITALY!!!

Sorry I haven't been on in a while. I forgot my password to here and my e-mail so it took some time. Like I said before I went to my cottage and like I thought the weekend would be horrid. I was right. I got beat up the whole time and my new shades I got at the county fair broke. It was a horrible weekend. Sniff. But I'm over it now.

What I really wanted to talk about was this amazing discovery I had today. I was talking to my mom about her family. (she 100% Italian, so it's all in Italy!) She was saying how her mom would talk about her great grandma being a high priestess. Now I'm in the middle of becoming Wiccan and when I heard this I flipped out. I wanted to ask her more about it but she said it didn't matter. I waited a little while and asked again. SHE DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER WE WERE TALKING EARLIER!! Sigh. I'm looking into it now. I'm currently at the library looking up stuff on it, but I wanted to write this first so I didn't forget. I thought the few who read this might want to know.

Well I'm getting offf now. Hope everyone is having a good week!

Random advise:Learn all you can about your family, or else yours and thier history could be forgotten.

A Fun Day at the Fair

Today I went shopping with my mom. I got an Icee at Sam's Club. Then I got new clothes for school. I'm so excited about what I got too. I found out my new school has uniforms, but good side is I can wear all black. I have to wear their special symbol thingy on ,my shirt but whatever. For my bottoms I got two (maybe three if my mom will get them online) floor length black skirts. They are cute and fun to wear. The best of all is they are so long they cover my comando boots so the teachers can't get upset with me because there *mimics nasal sounding way to happy teacher* not dress code. After that we went to Krogers grocery store to get you guessed it GROCERIES! Plus some scratch off cards (we lost:( ) sigh. my smiley looks all deformed. ugh! It is a sad face if you couldn't figure that out for yourself. Lastly we got Jets pizza with cheezzy reads sticks!!! YUM!!! (great spelling right lol) That was all I did with my mom. But later I went out too.

Tonight I went to the County fair with my friend Ashely for the first time! It was so much fun and I got to see a whole bunch of cute animals. I also got a Henna tatto to match from my favorite series Dark-Hunter. If you haven't read it you should. Anyway I had loads of fun the whole night. Well... maybe not the whole night. Ashely's mom is great but sometimes she can get a little carried away and other times I tend to hide in fear. lol. All in all I had loads of fun and I'm oober tired.

I had a great day today and only heard my parent and brother yell once. Sorry they won't inspire me tonight. lol. They were in bed when I got home. Well I'm going to bed soon since I'm oober tired. Plus, I have to be up early to leave for my cottage. YUCK. *sticks out tounge in distaste* If you read before I'm not all that thrilled I'm going. sigh. I will right about my weekend sunday when I get back. Thanks to the few people who read this. two is more than I ever expected. lol.

Random advise: (for Ashely) You do not call Zombies zombies. Some were told to call them the Living Impared, but that is wrong. They are not impared. They are Differently Biotic.

Random advise: (for everyone else) Wear tennies or boots to a farm and clean them off when you leave. Wear sandles or flip flops to a farm and then your feet will stink.