I love...

I I found something wonderful today. My legs are beautiful. 

 

I drew these and realized I love myself and my life. I live in Utah now. I have two great jobs. I am away from the bullshit. Sober. Happy. I am proud of who I am and thought the world should know. I doubt I will blog too often, obviously. Just want you to know I am wonderful.

I've lost weight. I go to the gym almost everyday. I stay positive. Look out world!

Email me if you ever worry. mhenige13@gmail.com

Random advise: Love youself.

Love, MK.

Happy Fucking Saturday

Well all. Today had turned into a wonderful day. I have finals next week and am excited to be finished with school. Last night I went out walking and around 8am I ended up at my house. Long story short my dad told me I have no friend cause I am a bitch blahblahblah I left the house and went back to the dorms.

I ended up going to the festival by my school today. I had to spend $40 for me and my friend because we couldn't buy tickets we had to buy bracelets. It was fun and we got to on rides. I won myself a fluffy polar bear and a lime green froggy! X) My poor friend Daniel ended up hurling on one of the rides poor guy. He seemed to have some fun too. Plus I got some books that Nickolas picked out for me. :) I spend waaaayyy too much money but it was worth it.

Now I am laying in bed after some of the best sex ever. I was just kind of manhandled to the ground. My hair was pulled and I was flipped over and my ass is bright red. Now to watch trueblood and laugh at it while I work on my review for one of my classes. Have a wonderful Saturday everyone. I will try to post more but I may not be back til finals are over.

Random Advise: Be open for a good fucking anytime. ;)

-MK

Another fire

So I ran off to my older brother's house to be with his family for the weekend. I thought it would be nice to get away and un-stress but I feel even more stressed. My phone is dead with no charger and I had plans Monday and can't get hold of anyone. I am tired and I hurt. At least this depression was keeping me from food but today I had at least 6,000 calories. I feel like shit and miss Nickolas and am worried. I just want to be home. I want to feel like I have a home. Right now I feel like I have no one. Ugh. I really hope all this bullshit can pass and everything can get better. I hope so anyway.

Random advise: Don't get too close to a fire.

-MK

stressed

Hey people. I'm still around. I've had kind of a down day. I feel gross and am seriously stressed. I realized today I don't stress about me. I held off how I felt so long that I ended up in emergency. I stress about Nickolas and where he will live. I stress about my friend living in dorms with me. I stress about my brother and his recent habits and friends. My father can't find work and I am pretty sure he deals. His bitch of a girlfriend has taken over my house, it's not even mine anymore. My grandma is in the hospital for pneumonia and it's looking bad. My cats need to go to the vet. My aunt just fond out she has breast cancer and her family can't take that kind of hit...

I just feel lost. I want to cry and have someone hold me and say it will all be okay. My biggest worry is Nickolas. He says he will die soon. He has insurance and can see doctors. he can find work. He can go to school. He just won't. I know it's his own doing. It still hurts. I am a friend for everyone. Where are my friends? Why is it no one helps me? I want to relax and be proud of my self for everything I've done and am doing. Instead I feel like shit physically and mental. here's no fun in that.

Random advise: breathe

-MK

Out of the E.R.

Well I had a fun visit last night... Yesterday I wasn't feeling well but kept blowing it off until I felt so bad I was curled up in a ball and was taken to the hospital. After an awful hospital experience I found I have bronchitis... No gym for a while which sucks.

So yeah, now I am relaxing in my dorm in pjs waiting for my dad to bring me my drugs. x) It was pretty funny in the hospital when they asked when I last smoked. I just looked at her and said I smoked today. Meaning weed. xD I just wanted to give an update to everyone. I will read other blogs, finish homework, have soup, then lay down with a book and listen to Dido. x) I just got Life For Rent yesterday for $3 at fye.

Random advise: Don't hold off if you feel sick.

-MK

Laundry day!

yeah yeah. I know I'm not around too often anymore and I really hate it but I have been busy. Finals are coming up soon and I am trying to figure out my living situation and such for the summer. Tonight I am at my house doing laundry and just bored. I hope everyone is well and no hard feelings to anyone who doesn't comment. I get that I am not here often. Sorry for the depressing shit but I just had to vent. Have a wonderful night everyone. :)

Random advise: End your day with a good thought and it should make your whole night better.

-MK

homework

I cannot do homework hhigh... lmao!
 -MK

Alone

No one comments. Few read. I feel like no one is a friend to me. I don't have friends I have thing in common with. The person I thought was my best friend doesn't think much of me. I just feel alone. This is that moment you realize you love someone and know they don't give a shit about you, but you can't get over them. Maybe I should go back to my tweezers. I was happy then. At least it felt like how people describe happy. I have no friends, little family, no sex, only food cause my I thought friend has food stamps. I am just that person you meet that helps you through a rough patch. You won't keep in touch. You won't worry. You won't help me back. Down the road of depression again. Did you miss me?

Random comment: I just have to hope it will all be okay in the end.

-MK

Club?

Hello again. Nothing much to talk about. I have been having a pretty  average week and have been enjoying the weather. I tried going to a club last night. That was a nightmare. I picked the wrong crowd to go with me. Anyway I saw Iron Man 3 which was awesome. I was expecting more but still good. So yum. going to the gym soon. I hope everyone who reads this is well. :)

Random advise: Go see Iron Man

-MK

A small piece

Well I've had a nice weekend. I got to go home for Saturday night which was kinda stressful. The nice thing was a long walk to, through, and from the park. I just have to get over my dad's asshole-ness. I got to take care of a baby kitten last night too. He was so cute. He had to be fed every two hours! One thing I didn't know is you have to stimulate the kittens genitals so it will pee. Only before they are two but still new facts guys!
I've had a pretty up and down day but all together it's been good so far. I left the Cafe where the kitten was and went back to my dorms. I did my online shift and had issues with out (that managed to work out) then I had some wheat toast and peanut butter for breakfast. I got Loaf (friend and roommate at college) up and we went to the gym. I did 30mins of some serious elliptical work and was sweating profusely but smiling the whole time. Then did some strength work outs. The gym has been a nice addition to my day and life. I am down to 216! Considering I was 225 two weeks ago I am proud.
I got paid! My check came in today. I paid my dad some money I owed him and then me and Nickolas hit the store. He got food stamps which is awesome too. I got four steaks for $7! These things were huge too. So I have decided to splurge a little and I am going to a buffet with Loaf and Nickolas. They have sushi and that's really all I want lol. I also had a nice two hour nap. :)
So yeah there is some catch up. Also for those of you who follow, if I follow you back and you are mad I don't comment on your blog there is a reason. I don't read them. It is nothing against the blog. Maybe I will soon. I just can't read something depressing, about cutting, or pills. Not yet. Give me some time. I will email you if you'd like. Just ask in a comment. Sorry if this makes you sad. I don't want anyone upset but if you have seen this blog for long enough, you should know that I have some issues and I am still working on them. I am not at the best place in my life but I know where I am so I know there are some triggers I should avoid. I hope you all understand.

Random fact: Baby kittens can still pee on you.

-MK

These are from today.

No Gym :(

The one thing I like in my day is when I first wake up and jump on the elliptical  I am still sick though. It is awful. Plus since I am so broke I can't just go buy healthy food. All I can really afford is ramen. So, I am laying in bed eating shit food and I feel so gross. It sucks. I am even missing a party tonight which I know will be awesome.
Anyway I am just relaxing in my dorm today. Finishing Sons of Anarchy and then I need to find a new show. I may go home today. The only reason I really want to go is to make sure Nickolas has a place to stay for the night since he's homeless. He is normally in my friends car but she is gone all weekend. The problem with going home is dad's bitch of a girlfriend can't be around sick people because she got kemo last week. Boo-Fuckin-Hoo! It's my damn house! UGH! I was hoping to get a new job too but it seems like I won't get the job since I haven't heard anything and he needs someone to start working on Monday.
So off back to bed and my laptop. Maybe some tumblr. I hope everyone is having a nice day.

Random advise: Don't trying working out when sick.

-MK

Mint Tea

Hello hello.
I won't recap you on my life. I'll just start from where I am. Sick. I have been working out daily which is lovely. I couldn't today since I'm all diseased but oh well. I am just sitting with some tea in my dorm. Maybe I'll try posting more. I'm not sure. I just felt like stopping by.

random advise: don't fuck with someone sick, they'll get you sick.

-MK

Bloody hell

Look. I returned. I have a real work schedule now so I will be posting again. I don't keep up with any blogs anymore. I feel like I just haven't been up to it. In reality I feel I am depressed and just hiding it from myself. So yeah. Everything in my life is going pretty well though. I have school full time. I am behind and may get all cs and bs but meh. I have an online job as a moderator. Pretty boring job. I just delete comments. I have great friends too... well kind of. I have friends. Normally too busy to hang out or they only want sex. So yup that's my life. Maybe when I save enough I can run away for a while. Today I will sit alone unless given an offer (I won't) and try to finish a paper then give up to play minecraft. Then sit with a cold and be on my period. At least I understand while my doc said I was pregnant yesterday. Was just starting a random period off schedule. funfun.
This is just a warning. If this blog affects my life outside of the internet it will have to stop.

I am a mess. I have fallen into depression again or something. I have a guy who wants to date me and I am losing my best friend. My family is falling apart. My brother maybe moving across country. If I am not on here often you now know why. There are too many people who read this blog. Sorry.

Alone

I am bored before class. I am sitting here all alone with nothing to do. I had a fun day so far. I got up early and went out with my grandma. It was such a nice day. I got to watch some gossip girl before I left and we went strait to the movies. I got to see les miserables. It was the best movie I have ever seen! I have never cried so much over a movie. I am so ready to see it again. It is such a beautiful romantic tragedy and the singing and music is basically orgasmic! I think everyone should see it. Any who we went out to eat afterwards and talked. We talked about my dad and his gf situation. It has gotten out of hand at home and the law may be involved soon. -sigh- Anyway I got dropped off not too long ago. Now bored... Well off to wander on the internet then to my class. Substance abuse... fuuuuun. If only I had a better teacher and better classmates. Tata peoples.

I am sorry

My roommates are driving me up a wall. My sister is a bitch. I can't sleep of focus. I have no place to be in peace. I have no home. My father is an addict and my brother is out of control. I just need help... It seems when I am the most alone, the most in need, no one is around. tomorrow I am going to the bank buying some smokes and hair dye to feel better. Yes I want to smoke. I may even get booze from someone so I can drink. I just want to be able to relax. feel better. I figure I deserve some peace. Plus I have a guy bugging to meet me who I really like which bothers me. No one just wants to see me. I just keep being so negative and just want to feel some fucking happiness. I dream of putting myself down and it is becoming unbearable and I am sure the few really only one person who reads this doesn't really give a fuck.

Sorry, I just need to relax. I just feel like a mess...

Random link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPLrqKrnYts

Love, MK.

P.S. Thank you for those who do read this whether you comment or not. I really do appreciate you. I just seem to be in a bad place recently.

IN CLASS!

I'm in class. I am suppposed to be working on my paper. shhhhh. Anyway I have had some awesome time recently. Yes a roony! Nickolas is awesome too. I had this whole I hate my life moment and he held me and gave me the best back massage of my life. I have been getting much sex darrlings but that may end soon. The Mary'K is kind of into a guy. I know, shocker. But I will cross that penis when it gets here.

Recently I have been obsessed with MineCraft. That game is the SHIT! I was up until 10 am Saturday night playing. Then woke at 6pm on Sunday to get a free taco dinner and play more! I was up until 6am last night/this morning play minecraft and doing homework. I spent all my time on a timeline not due until wed and didn't finish my rough draft but -shrugs- I got it done between classes.

So tonight I will be going to the cafe and extra special awesomeness news... MY MOM MADE ME COOKIES! Yes my mother. She did leave me but she will send cash and presents so I grin and bare it. I won't be so heartless we do talk and I enjoy ost conversations. I think us apart makes the relationship easier. lol

So thanks for reading my rushed yammering. I will post something else before bed. Promise. ;) I know I don't type all the time but I am still here. For the first time in a long time I am not typing as much because I am off having fun instead of being a depressing goober. Well off I go before class is out. Byebye peoples. I have a skype btw so maybe we can chat sometime. I loooves peoples. X) I'll comment later too.

Random me: MineCraft = Braingasm!

Love, MK.

Back to class

So I moved back into school. Now that things have settled I feel much better. I have some nice classes so far and am happy to be back. I am pretty tired though so I'll keep this short. I'll talk more tomorrow. x)

Random fact: I am in a good place and it is only getting better.

Love, MK.

Soul Searching XD

Yeah that title is kinda bullshit. I am making a list of things a plan to do this year. Well most of it won't start until I move back to the dorms but whatever. So I feel much better. Now off to more internet things x)

Love, MK.

Now to the New Year (plus pictures)

So I was sick the night before new years eve which sucked. I was throwing up and felt awful. I also made plans that were ruined by a friend. -sigh- I'd rather not talk about that since it upsets me. So I spent New Years Eve at my house with Nickolas. We just watched netflix and didn't do much of anything. I didn't even get a New Years kiss but whatever. I planned on writing more but I feel kind of down and lost. great start to the new year huh? I'm sick of my house and ready for school to start up again so I can move back into my dorm and get some more freedom. So I spent my first day of the new year making my father and friends mad.

Part of me wants to run away. I don't mean find just a new location. I mean I want to disappear  I want to take what I can carry and run off. Even if only for a while I would be nice. No friends or family. No responsibility  No job and no school. No way to find me. Sounds like a dream... Well moving past that I will post some pictures of me for you. Nothing too exciting. I just thought you'd like to see the face behind the words.

The day after the piercing

 Am I a photo whore or what?! XD

Random noise: moo.

Love, MK.

To Christmas and Beyond!

SO my last post was before xmas. Sorry I have been gone. I have been really busy and distracted. SO lets see here...

Nothing fun really happened on the 23rd so I will skip to the 24th. (This will be a long post) Christmas eve I made a Pecan pie and let me tell you, this things was the shit. I plan to make more pies in my future. XD I was still at Nickolas's mother's house. Us three and the landlord all had a Christmas eve dinner. Val (him mom) made clam chowder. Making being she poured cams into a pot and warmed it. I made myself tomato because clam chowder is icky. We opened Christmas eve gifts too. Me and Nickolas got Pj pants. I always get PJs... I have way too many but -shrugs- they are warm. We went to Christmas Eve mass at a dinky little church. There was maybe a dozen people. It was the size of a small barn. Everyone there but me Val, and Nickolas was either directly related to the priest or part of the mass. That was... fun... Once we got home we watched Rock of Ages. That movie was fucking AWESOME! I loved it so much and recommend it to anyone who likes classic rock and comedy. We finally went to bed at 4 am. Well his mother did anyway. I was stuck listening to Nickolas whine about how he wanted to open gifts. He got bored and started teasing me. Next thing you know I had some of the best sex of my life. I mean multi orgasmic, mind shattering, hair destroying sex. We went to bed about 5 and he woke me up at 9.

On Christmas we got up at 9 fucking am because an impatient little child haaaaad to open presents. Not to be mean but my gifts kinda sucked. Everything Nickolas got his mother picked from his list or bought with me. My gifts, well they were not really for me. I got a lotion I am re-gifting cause it'll rash my skin. Some instant coffee. I like coffee but... ew. There was stockings with some candy and socks that are ugly and uncomfy too. You get my point. I made most of Christmas dinner... well all of it basically. She was too distraced to help cook. The neighbor came over and we ate. Later we all watched dumbo then me and nickolas watched fox and the hound.

Skipping forward to the 27th now. That day was... special. The summary of everything is my dad had to pick us up because our ride canceled.  Then not even an hour before leaving Nickolas and Val had at it. She was nit picking and next thing you know she is yelling and he's arguing. She left the house five minutes before my dad got there. I doubt we will be going back again...

The rest of the week up til now had been stressful. Mainly because the bitch that has yet to leaving. Yes the chick my dad is with is still here. She just pisses me off. She has managed to take my only pair of slippers and my only two blankets. Anyway I got some nice clothes and a gorgeous cross(even though I am not christian I plan to wear it it is so pretty) and she gave me a fluffy blanket which is awesome. X) So I will end the post here. I will add more about new years eve and shit in another post right after this one. I don't want to be negative or whiny anymore so I will move on.

Random fact: My favorite color is silver, even though most don't consider it a color.

Love, MK.