Party Plans

So I've been a little off lately. I've been getting deeper and deeper into depression. Now I'm starting to feel better. I've been spending my time planning my birthday party. I'll have my friends from all the plays I've been in, all three of my old schools, and some family friends. Almost 40 teen in one backyard with a bonfire. It's gonna be fun. I also uploaded a video of me singing at a compition. http://www.youtube.com/user/eviltwinmk666 Please comment on the channel and tell me what you think. It's from early Febuary I think. So my hair isn't that long and I've lost some weight. Well this chair hurts my back and my head hurts. I'm getting off. Hope everyone's well.

Random advice: Telling the truth may hurt but in the end it's best.

-Mary'K

Mindless rant....

So I'm now seeing a therapist twice a month. I had my first appointment last week. My mom was in there for 40 minutes talking about how I'm a happy kid and I'm not depressed. (I've even told her I'm depressed but she won't believe it!) I spent the last 20 minutes talking about my life. We only got to 8Th grade. As I was talking I kept thinking of things that I didn't want to remember. The therapist wanted to know all the major points in my life but I didn't want to say somethings. I didn't want to tell her when I lost my virginity, when I'd gotten pregnant, when I'd first cut. All the major reasons I'm the way I am today. The reasons I'm not a happy child. I've never told anyone any of those stories. I don't want to.

Yesterday my friends bf made things worse. I was still down about the appointment and he brought up how I was innocent. Then my friend laughed because she knows I'm not a virgin. He was like "WTF?! You're only 15! When did you lose it?" I didn't answer. I almost cried. I thought about the guys in my life. I hate how I look because of them. Some people say I'm pretty but they never did. After being with me I would be told I was ugly and fat... it wasn't nice things lets just say and end it there.

You might not understand half of what I'm saying. It's ok you don't need to. It's more of a mindless rant. I just feel so lost and sad. I can't lose bad memories and I don't want to confront them. I know I have to though. On a good note I haven't cut, drank , or smoked since June 3rd. Well I can't drink with my new medication. It does stuff to even out levels in my blood and if I drink to much my lungs hurt and it's hard to breath. I couldn't smoke because I was sick and broke. Now I'm on a roll so I don't want to ruin it. Cutting is the hardest thing to stop but I'm doing ok. No suicidal thoughts or anything so I'm not worried.

Now I'm going to be on the computer for a few hours and then clean. I don't want to sleep since I've been having nightmares. I woke up last night crying and sweating. sigh. I'm finished with the rant now. Good night.

Random quote: "I am not interested in money, i just want to be wonderful." - Marilyn Monroe

-Mary'K

Friends....

My friend thought it'd be funny to make this picture of me and this other friend of ours. So I made my own picture mwhahahaha.....
I have no life sigh.

Random advice: When life give you lemons find some limes and make 7up X)

-Mary'K

Lazy

So awhile ago I made a second profile for my charater in my other blog. You can use this loggin to see my pictures.
Email: perrottamk@aol.com
Password: ineedair

I'll only have this up for a week or two. I hope you like the photos.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1304410186&v=wall&story_fbid=132244140136036#!/album.php?aid=2068131&id=1304410186&ref=pb

-Mary'K

more

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1304410186&v=wall&story_fbid=132244140136036#!/album.php?aid=2068131&id=1304410186&ref=pb

If you want to see more of my make-up stuff. The old ones are at the end. I'm pretty sure you can see them all and leave comments. If not tell me and I'll try and fix the problem. 46 pictures is just too many to post. lmao.

-Mary'K

Bored....

So I did some chores but I got bored and did this. lol. It took about a half hour. Later me and my folks went to dinner and me and my dad made fun of this chick who looked like a 40 year old pippi longstocking. lmao. We spent the whole time thinking of odd questions to ask the waiter. My mom complained the whole time. sigh. I'm not letting her get me down though. X) Well I hope everyone else had a good day. X) I can leave my house tomorrow since I'm feeling better too! HUZZAH!!!!!

Random advise: Don't let the little things get you down.

-Mary'K

New plan

So I guess I'm not going anywhere for a while. Since I have tonsillitus no one wants me at there house and my mom won't willingly let me leave. sigh. I spent my last day of school (today) taking my fiunals. I came into school late took my Bioology, chemistry, and geometry test in under two hours. Now I'm home. My back doesn't hurt as bad as it had before but it still hurts. I can't really talk either. So my summer plans will have to start late. sigh. Now I'm going to get some food and do some chores. I hope everyone else is having a better day.

Random advise: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. (My friend Amy put it on her status on Fb lol)

-Mary'K

UGH

Right now I'm crazy sick. I have a fever and I keep coughing. The doctors think I have tonsillitis.
Just to state a fact I'm not leaving. I'm just not posting that often. I put the last post for if you wanted to get a hold of me and I hadn't been on in a week or so. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm not leaving you Rei.I was just stating I'm not going to blog as often. I've been taking your advise. I take all my meds. I don't lie to my friends anymore. So I'm sorry if you're upset. I thought you'd be happy my life is starting to get better. I'm sorry you don't want to keep "giving you advice on any of your little nonsensical teenage issues".

Random advice: Don't trust in people because some how nothing works out.

-Mary'K

Bye

So I have two more days of school. Then I'll be gone. I'm not sure yet but I have an idea of where I'll be staying. Hell, at this point the street looks nice. I don't think I'll be on my blog much. If you want to talk or see how it's going you can e-mail me at eviltwinmk666@aol.com or message me on fb at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/profile.php?id=1304410186

Random advice: (too sick and pissed to think)

-Mary'K

Tired and Unfinished

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I won't be on until Thursday or Friday probably. I feel like crap. I need to finish my paper but I can't keep focused. I'll have to stay home tomorrow to finish it. I already had the due date extended for me. ugh. I'm off now. Just an update for you all...

Random advise: Talking to some people is like a circle... pointless.

-Mary'K

Finals...

I'm sorry I've been gone for a while. I've had finals and projects and stuff lately. School will be over by the 11Th and I'll be back to being on here. Sorry I haven't been up to date on your blogs either. I promise I'll read them and comment when I can. I hope everyone is doing well. Maybe if I finish my paper tomorrow I'll tell you about my night of drinking at my friends, I'll post pictures of my sort pixie hair cut, and my day at the festival (I'm going tomorrow).

I hope everyone is well. Love, MK.

Random advise: BYOB! (Huzzah for alcohol!!!)