Awful

So I missed three days of school last week because I didn't feel well. I've missed over a quarter of the school year because I can't get better. I was sick Tuesday and Wednesday and went to school Thursday thinking I was better. I ended up staying home Friday because I wasn't better. My cousin spent Friday and Saturday night at my house. It took so much out of me not to complain about how I felt. Saturday I was at my older brothers and came to the discovery that I have ANOTHER bladder infection. This morning I was in tears and still went to church and tried to smile. Now I'm sitting home with just me and my dad. I think he's upset due to the fact I'm just mopey and depressed. I hate feeling like this.

My mothers comment to me always being sick is "You have to go to school". I used to love school. I used to love learning and reading and hanging out with friends but now I hate it. I hate school because I'm failing since I miss so much school. I hate hanging out with friends because the whole time I'm there I just want to cry and talk about my problems. I'm so self absorbed when I'm like this. I miss smiling and being happy. I miss who I used to be. My stomach hurts and my head aches and I want to cry. Things aren't going to work out with the guy I like either. My mother and I aren't on the best terms. I don't even talk to my sister that much anymore.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I feel better? Why does it seem the gods have cursed me?

Sorry to those who read this. This is how I vent. My best friend the computer. How pathetic. I feel so pointless. I asked my someone how they are always so happy. They said it's because they are blessed. They thank god for everything. What can I thank god for? bills? pain? hurt? lies?

If you think you can cheer me up please help. I think I've lost any hope for joy in my life. I'm getting worse. I just want to get better.

Random advise: There isn't always a silver lining.

-MK