I've felt so off lately. I haven't been feeling well and I just can't seem to pay attention to school or my folks. I'm so "off balance". I just feel like crying. I keep seeing bad things happen in my head. It's like a horror film but no one makes it out in the end. It feels so real. It use to happen a while ago but it stopped. Now it's coming back with vengence. It's horrible and they don't just come as nightmares. They'll come in the middle of the day! I thought I was loseing it in the hallway one day. I try to just forget about it though. I just pretend everything is fine but something really weird happened.
I think I've finally gone crazy. I just wish I could tell someone. I want someone infront of me that I can talk to. That I can hug. The one person I really need has enough issues of her own plus I just can't seem to tell her what I need to. I read a book called Speak and it was great, but it got me thinking. You see the book is about a girl standing up and saying she was raped. It's all about speaking the truth. I just wish I was that strong.
I hate feeling all depressed then have to fake a smile. If I act like I feel then I just want attention, but if I don't all the feelings build up. I just don't want to explode. I'm talking to my sister while I type.
The List of Things I Want to Say:
1)I'm a heavy drinker.
2)I'm an avid smoker.
3)I'm a cutter
4)I'm depressed
5)I've tried killing myself
6)I'm lonely
7)I want friends
8)I want to fit in
9)I have a lot of secrets
10)I see things that aren't there
11)I wish I could tell someone the truth
Random advise: Why is it when I vent about the bad things it makes me feel worse?
-Mary'K
About Me
- EviltwinMK
- GB, Michigan, United States
- We all have our own story. We all have certain things we do that keep us sane. Those certain things that constitute as our sanities. Well these are my sanities. These are the sanities of a crazy person...
I've been in your shoes, darling. I can relate to everything that you've mentioned here. If you're having visions, feeling depressed, suicidal, any of that, please seek help before it is too late...
ReplyDeleteBottling this shit up is only going to make it worse. You have to be honest with people about your feelings, faking a smile all the time doesn't go very far. You're not going to seem like an attention seeker, you need a support system and people to help you.
I would strongly advise seeking the aid of a professional, and, I hate to say this, if this gets any worse, seek inpatient treatment...
I hope your life takes a turn for the better very soon. Just remember that I'm always here for you, okay? <3
+Rei+
I will. I'm supposed to go to my sisters over the weekend. She wants me to babysit but I think I'll just have a long talk with her. I would have gotten help sooner but we can't afford it. I think you're right though. I'll talk with me sis and post about it tomorrow. I feel better knowing someone out there says they understand and I know they aren't just giving me bull. Thanks X)
ReplyDelete