So the past few days have been hell. My great uncle died and it didn't matter to me much (I didn't really know him) but it was and is hard on my dad and grandma. My don't personally care about my grandma because she gets on my nerves and she's a stuck up snot but she puts more pressure on my dad. He gets more and more upset. He acts all fine and he's not. It sucks. Plus I ruined my no abuse strike. I had a few smokes. Mainly what I can get my hands on. I had one whole pack myself but now I have to search for half smoked cigs. It's pathetic. I think I still haven't cut or drank. I have gone into one new habit. I've been smoking weed. There is a guy in my neighborhood who sell the stuff and more but I'm not doing anything else. I like the stuff. It makes me giggle and smile. I feel like everything is OK but when it's gone I really crash. I don't get the munchies like most. I just want to sleep when it wheres off. It's like it takes all my energy. I've lost a lot of weight cause I just lost the desire for food. Weird to say I know but it's true. I can just fit in my 14 jeans. In the beginning of June I was in 18s. I also tried to snort vicodin. It was a pain in the ass to crush the three pill I had. (Your mother needing a new hip and having pain meds can be a good thing). It burnt like hell and I figured it would. It didn't do much that I realized. I felt a little out of it for around 30 45 minutes. I don't think I'll do it too often cause I know that shit can be really bad. (At least that's what I've heard.) I just thought I'd let you people know.
So to top off everything I've fallen hard for this one chick. Yes I said chick. X( I love her so much and would do anything for her but you know what's sick? I've never met her. We just talk to each other. She lives in New Zealand. sigh. I feel stupid one for falling in love with a girl. Two for falling in love with a girl in New Zealand. And three for always thinking about her and talking about her when I haven't even seen her face to face. sigh.
So now I'm sitting here after spending the last three days crying, getting high, and smoking. I'm out of weed and smokes and my eyes are red and puffy. I feel pathetic and lame. ugh. Now after saying how stupid I feel I'm going to stay up until 2 so I can talk to her. -hits head on keyboard- I'm a fruit basket.
Random advice: Long distance relationships don't work.
-Mary'K
About Me
- EviltwinMK
- GB, Michigan, United States
- We all have our own story. We all have certain things we do that keep us sane. Those certain things that constitute as our sanities. Well these are my sanities. These are the sanities of a crazy person...
This is a lot to digest and I've just gotten up, so I will try my best to cover a bit of everything...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Even if it is a distant relative, it's never a good thing to lose someone. Don't feel bad for picking up the cigarettes again. They help out quite a bit with stress, depression, and the like and I'd rather see you doing that than snorting fucking Vicodin...
Yes, that can become a horrible addiction... As you know, I am severely addicted to pain killers and the withdrawals I go through when I don't have them are horrible. Snorting them is only going to speed up the pace of the addiction, because it's a more direct route for the drug to get into your system. That's why it doesn't last very long.
Smoking weed is fine. You seem to have some odd side effects from it, but nothing that I'm too concerned about... Just remember, nobody has ever died from smoking weed. I just don't do it any more because I don't like getting the munchies and I prefer the high I get from my Percocet and Vicodin....
Long distance relationships, hmm? Well, there's nothing wrong with you having feelings for a female. But I agree, the distance is going to be a huge problem... I've had online relationships and they just end in heartache and hurt feelings... I'd get out of this if I were you... *Sigh*
That's about all I can come up with in my current state, Mary... *Shrug*
+Rei+
Thanks for the comment. Idk what to do about my friend. I don't have the heart to break it off. X(
ReplyDelete-Mary'K