Maybe someone can help me. I want to know what depression is. Not off google either. I mean if depression is all in your head how can it be fixed. I mean I've given my should to my therapist. She know ALL about me. I take my meds. I've even doubled the dose hoping to help but nothing. I just don't get it.
WTF?! While I was typing this my friend just said she loves me. They asked how I feel about their love. I told them I don't know. (I'm crying now) I just feel so stressed. I don't even know if I'm strait or bi or lesbian! I mean I use to like guys but now I like girls and I think I like her... FUCK!!! I don't know shit! I just want to scream and make everything better. I to know who I am. I'm all over the place. Right now I just want a friend. I know there is one other person there for me but I don't know them that well. They know more about me from my blog and fb than anything. I'm like hormones on speed. I'm angry at my friends and family for talking about me, I'm depressed I don't even know myself, I'm sad only my fb friend (girl who likes me) and one other friend I don't know all to well seem to care. I mean I've helped countless people through their problems and they don't bother to check up on me. whatever. I'm sick of bitching. Back to cleaning up and organizing my shit. I hope to move out of this hell hole soon.
My advise: Figure out who the fuck you are.
-Mary'K
About Me
- EviltwinMK
- GB, Michigan, United States
- We all have our own story. We all have certain things we do that keep us sane. Those certain things that constitute as our sanities. Well these are my sanities. These are the sanities of a crazy person...
I'm sorry that I didn't get here sooner, darling... I will try to help you as best I can.
ReplyDeleteDepression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. I'm sure you know that much. However, depression can manifest itself in many different types of mental illnesses... The only way to know which illness you have, is to make regular visits to a psychiatrist and over the course of time (and darling, please don't let this get down...) they can diagnose it. However, that process can sometimes take years to be completed. Psychiatry isn't an exact science, and mental illness is complicated and tricky to diagnose. As far as your meds go, maybe you're just not on the right ones. It took them years to find the right medications for me. Hell, they're still occasionally changing them on me because symptoms change over time, because mental illness can evolve into other things... Please don't let this discourage you from getting treatment. As I said, this stuff takes time and a few months with a therapist and one medication is not going to instantly cure you. I hope this has helped you some...
As for the rest, I'm just going to tell you that your body and your mind is changing, you're confused... That's understandable. You have to really focus and concentrate on what YOU want, darling. Fuck what everyone else thinks, do what is best for you. If you want a boyfriend, have a boyfriend. Same goes for if you want a girlfriend, but you can't have both. It's not fair to the other person or yourself... I'm sorry that your stressed, but things will sort themselves out. They always do. Have a good night, darling... <3 *Hugs*
+Rei+
-bangs head on wall repeatedly- I just feel like if I know I'm depressed I should be able to control it. I want to control my body and my life but it's like I've lost everything I had hold of. I can't be stable mentaly or phisicaly. Thanks for the help though. You're better than the most of my friends.
ReplyDelete-Mary'K
You can't always be in control of everything... There are certain aspects of life that we cannot always control, mental illness being one of them. What will give you some control over it is the proper medication. The next time you go to your doctor, tell them that what they've prescribed is not working and ask to try something else... *Sigh*
ReplyDelete+Rei+